6.30 The breakup problem can be solved with a combination of different methods, but there’s no easy way to fix the root cause.
In fact, it’s not even clear that it’s even possible.
“If the problem is actually the root of the problem, then that’s where we need to start,” says Dr. Jennifer L. Burdick, a clinical psychologist who specializes in divorce, children, and relationships.
“I’m not saying it’s impossible, I’m just saying it would be a lot better if we could just stop blaming the victim.”
The Problem There’s no simple solution for this problem.
Bursch and others have suggested a range of methods, some of which seem to work better than others.
“There are several theories that people are using that involve people talking to each other,” Burdack says.
“Some people are talking about a breakup, others are talking to their spouse.
Others are talking through their partner and telling him/her how they feel.”
Burdacks is currently working with an organization called the Families & Family Research Center (FFRF), which provides support services for victims of domestic violence.
“Our focus is on what’s best for families,” Bursack says, “and we have an interdisciplinary team that is interested in how we can help the families in the most effective way possible.”
Bursak is a psychologist who studies stress, and her research focuses on what happens when people experience stress.
“What people tend to do is they feel stressed,” she says.
And as stress increases, the risk for problems like separation, separation anxiety, and divorce increases.
“The way we do that is we have people who are not stressed at all,” she explains.
“And then we can get them to think about things that can affect their ability to get along and have a sense of self-worth.”
The solution to the problem comes down to recognizing that it can be the combination of a lot of different things that are happening in your life that’s causing a problem.
“People don’t realize that their partner’s feelings can impact their behavior,” Bures says.
So, what can be done to stop the problems from becoming problems?
“If you’re talking to your partner and you’re not talking to him/she, you’re just not listening to what they’re saying,” Bensch says.
The best thing to do for your partner is to talk to your spouse, Burdicks says.
That way, you can get a sense for what’s going on, and how it’s affecting your relationship.
The way you do that, Bursach says, is to think of the things that cause a conflict.
“Think about, ‘Is this what’s causing this tension?’
If it’s something that’s not related to the conflict in the first place, then you can begin to address it,” she suggests.
“Then you can talk to that person and see what their concerns are.
If they’re worried about you, you should feel free to share that with them.”
For example, if you and your spouse are upset about a shared hobby, you could talk about it, Borsch says, or if you’re frustrated about a new project, you might discuss that too.
And if you feel like the other person is going through something that you want them to know about, it might be a good idea to get them on your side, too.
If you’re trying to resolve a conflict between you and a partner, then “we want to talk about that, and see if we can find some common ground and maybe try to solve that problem,” Bausch says of her research.
But for most people, she says, it doesn’t take much.
“We want to try to get as much work done with our partners as we can,” she adds.
And she adds that the best way to help solve the problem in your relationship is to understand it and make changes in your own behavior.
“You should be open and honest with your partner,” she advises.
“It’s a hard thing, and we want to help you understand it.”
In the meantime, you may want to ask your spouse to stop arguing about the problem and talk to you about how to deal with it.
“As long as you understand what’s really going on in your marriage, then your relationship will work better,” Barsch says about the breakup relationship.
Burses says it’s important to know what you’re doing and who your partner thinks he or she is.
“In the beginning, we can just assume that your partner has the best intentions,” Burses explains.
But that doesn’t necessarily hold true.
“Sometimes people think that if you have a problem, it means that your spouse is having a problem too,” Bunsch says in her research, and it may be important to be aware of that when talking to someone else.
“Be clear about your intentions and try to find a solution